ok so i admit it

9:08 AM

Hola everyone! So I admit it - just this weekend did I realize what has been eating at me for weeks now - something called jealously. It crept up on me when I wasn't looking and is really the most horrible feeling in the world! 
As I look around and see my friends getting jobs, volunteering in their communities, planning to go to collage, or pretty much seeming to have "it all together", I find myself wishing God would hurry up and give me these things as well. Currently I feel Him telling me to wait however, but suddenly I just wish God would give me what He's giving my friends. 
It's wrong, because as I've said before here - God already has a plan and we just need to wait and let Him work, not jump ahead to do what we want to do. I'm really feeling all of this anyway though. 
I'm jealous that they seem to have a social life and I feel very alone at times. I want to interact with people - in the real world (as well as the internet one). I know He's calling me to go to collage perhaps (though I feel this will not be directly after I graduate High School), but why can't it be after like everyone else?!
 I know God wants me to have a little patience, and I know He is doing everything for a purpose, but that's where my faith needs to come in (along with a whole lot of prayer). 
I can't let my feelings take over - I can't try and make something happen. If He wants me to wait than that is just what I'll have to do. Someday when I look over my life and see how God has worked than I will be thankful I waited, but right now I need to trust. 
Of course this is easier said then done, but like I said, I can do nothing without God's help. My friends' have awesome lives that God is directing, each one is unique and beautiful. Mine is different than their's and their's will be different then mine - no two stories are alike. 
 Really I just need to take a back seat and let God drive or I'll probably crash. He's given me my life for a reason and I know that, but I guess I have to convince my brain of this. 
I have to see what I have (not what I don't)....
• amazing internet friends (one I met and is the best ever, and the others who are also so special to me!I so badly want to give them a real life hug!!! ♥) 
• a family, who I love so much!
• blogs that encourage me daily
• a church family that I wouldn't trade for the world
• and most of all a loving Savior, who died for someone like me

It's really humbling when you see what God has done and what He will do - not what everyone has and you don't. Through this I know He is showing me the virtue of patience, and a heart for Him. 

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