The Fear of Imperfection

8:35 AM

I like things to be perfect - to go perfectly. Oddly enough I keep a messy bedroom and my clothes are always lying around, but when it comes to how I look or what do outside my room, I want everything to seem like I have it all together. 
I am afraid - afraid of not being perfect. Afraid of failing. Afraid of not being good enough. I look around me and wonder what people think - what do they see when they see me? It's wrong - it's not right, but I struggle in this so much. I want to dress in a certain way - be a certain way that I am sure I will meet their approval. I want to blog a certain way, talk a certain way, so people won't find me strange. Sometimes I feel I hide from who I am really am - hide from who God wants me to be. The funny thing is, the more I try to hide the more I can't - the more I stumble. 
If I'm not myself or being who I am called to be, I'm living a lie. I'll never meet everyone's approval, and why should I care? Seriously - I mean isn't God the one I should be looking to? I know this, but it's harder to believe it and live it. 

I've been dealing with this a lot lately - being myself in a world that is constantly dragging me down. I struggle with who I am in Christ and where I fit in this world. I'm beginning to see - slowly through praying and reading the Bible. I'm growing in my relationship with the Lord through this - learning to rely on Him and not my feelings (which at times are a bit jumbled).

Note to you who read this: Thanks! The words seem a bit random to me, but I just thought I should try and write my thoughts out. Do you ever feel this way - like you need to meet everyone's approval but the more you try, the more you see you can't?

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