Broken Girl

8:09 AM

The Broken Girl is usually the one who never shows it. Her heart hurts deep inside and she struggles, not wanting to feel weak, not wanting anyone to know that she feels the pain. She laughs when really inside her heart breaks. She feels alone, isolated. Broken Girl feels the walls closing in around her, walls holding her prisoner, chaining her.
 They're made of brick, rising higher and higher each time she lashes out, each time she says "I'm fine." Really deep down she's far from OK.
In the night she cries. She cries because God doesn't seem real. She cries because no one cares. No one seems to understand her. They don't try and she doesn't let them. She cries because she wants help but fears asking.
She's a good Christian girl everyone says. She's the one that goes to church and worships with everyone else. She babysits kids for her church family, reads her Bible in the mornings even if she feels numb, and listens to Christian music. Like everyone else.  But she feels so different.
Sometimes she yells, sometimes she fights. Her parents say it's just a phase. She's growing up.
This makes the walls go higher. She hates herself, hates life, hates feeling this way but sees her life as a one way path. There's no going back.  She wants to die but is afraid of the pain. Is afraid of where she'll end up.
She doesn't want anyone to see her for her true self. If they did she fears that she would be utterly alone. If they saw Broken Girl, her true thoughts, her true feelings for life, her fears and anger, they may reject her. She can't risk it. So she doesn't.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
I think everyone knows a Broken Girl at their workplace, school, church or even in their own family. Maybe you're Broken Girl.
Every situation is different, but every girl like the Broken Girl in my story knows at least a bit of her pain. The walls are up and they're hard to smash. The darkness suffocates, you want to be free but freedom seems unreal.
I know that from experience.
 I also know so many Broken Girls in my life, and I can't always help, which makes it hard. Sometimes all I can do is pray for them, which should be the first and last thing I ALWAYS do.
If you're a Broken Girl let me just say. You are not alone. You are loved by the most amazing prince Who died for your sins. He doesn't care if you do drugs, aren't a virgin or if you're simply that Pastor's Daughter who struggles with suicidal thoughts and darkness but doesn't want to be the weak one.
There's a God who wants to be a father to the fatherless, the ones who've never had a decent role model in their lives. He get's you. He never abandons.  He never let's you down. He isn't someone who gives up on you when you mess up. He doesn't just give second chances, but third, forth and fifths.
All you have to do is trust Him.
It sounds too simple but being a Christian isn't about complicated. It's trusting and obeying God. No strings attached.
You won't suddenly be perfect and have it all together, but know God has your back. He'll help you through every darkness, help you tear down every ginormous wall that holds you prisoner. He has this incredible plan that includes your hurting heart. He isn't shock by what you have to say or your thoughts.
It takes time sometimes. It's not always easy. But it's worth it.
Jesus sees you as His princess, His gem. He wipes you clean, renews your brokenness. He felt firsthand the betrayal of those you love when some of his best friends rejected Him while He was here on earth. He died and rose again even though He was perfect and didn't deserve it. If only you lived in this world and we didn't exist, He would have still died for you and you only.
His simple command is to trust and follow Him. That's it.

By his wounds you have been healed.  1 Peter 2:24

If you are Broken Girl, you do need to reach out to someone in your life and share what's going on. I didn't when I went through many things in my life and it hurt me so much. I struggled with being open to my loving family and they didn't know what was going on. It really hurt our relationship. 
I know you've probably heard before that you need to tell someone that you are having suicidal thoughts, cutting, etc, etc but you really do need to. 
If you have no one to talk to, I can't tell you right off hand any organizations to call but if you want to talk to someone please e-mail me @ and I will do my best to help you find someone. And you can rant and rave to me too. I've been down that road and know it's horrible to see everyone as your enemy. I know what it's like to want to be dead. And I know what it's like to find Jesus again, as well as the long road it can be to a place you actually feel the chains gone. 
As I said above - know that Jesus wants you. He cries tears for you. You are never alone! 

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