When I Learned to Say "Thy Will Be Done"

7:40 AM

Hola readers!

I didn't realize until back in January that I couldn't bring myself to say "thy will be done." I felt God telling me that my word for 2017 is 'peace' and I quickly realized how much turmoil is continually racing through my heart and mind. I tend to give into worry and I like control. I like to control people, myself, circumstances and just life in general. I don't like handing that control over to anyone...it's scary (this is actually one reason I didn't want to get married when I was younger). And did I mention my stressed out personality could have actually caused my ulcers?
But one night I gazed up at the darkened sky with the millions of stars and felt God telling me, "tell me 'thy will be done'. Trust me completely."

I panicked. I'll just go ahead and admit it. I was to the point of crying I was so panicked. I knew what God was saying was true. He holds the stars, he holds the whole world in his hands and I can't allow him to do what he will with my life? If he sent his son for me, what can I do but say "thy will be done"? It seems an easy feat if you say it that way, but I can't say it's easy. I knew that if I said it then I'd be giving him my all. At the time I was also realizing how fragile life is as I was dealing with my ulcers and so I knew that I was saying he could do whatever he wants....like make it worse. Or not better at all. I know this is morbid thinking but all I could think of is what God could allow....the bad, the ugly, the unfair, the scary. And that scared the heck out of me.
I gazed back up at the sky and walked around and around our one acre or so yard and was so frustrated - not at God but myself.
I realized how much he loves me and how much he wants to do with my life but I wasn't giving him my all. I was giving him what I wanted and holding back the rest. The stars shone down on me and I drew in a deep breath and got out "thy will..."

OK this is a bit embarrassing to admit but I kept getting to only about there and I'd stop. I just wanted control. I crave it. And if I let it, it'll be my downfall. But I REFUSE to let it.

I just kept praying, asking God for strength and then I said it. Over and over and over.  "Thy will be done." It was freeing and it was beautiful. There was no blinding light, no angels singing, no complete faith. I still struggle, complete faith takes time, but I've seen some pretty major changes in my life over the last few weeks and I didn't even realize it.

Not at first.

But now I've begun to see changes - that happens when you tell God to do what he will. I've signed up for college classes (online) and I'm now a psychology major. I'm getting ready to send out my story to an agent and see if he accepts it. I've read my Bible daily. Sometimes I don't get anything out of the reading...but sometimes I do.
When I told God "thy will be done" I accepted God to allow the bad, the ugly, the painful...I didn't realize that not only was I giving that to God but I was also allowing the good. I was saying to WHATEVER.
When we give it all to God, when we give him control, we're saying allow anything. Everything. I didn't consider that - I just thought about what I was giving up...not the reward, not the deepening relationship with my Savior.
 Now, I'll be the first to admit life still is so far from perfect. I still struggle. There's still a lot of junk. But I'm finding the beauty of saying "thy will be done". When we do that, when we give God all, there's nothing like it. And I think it's an everyday commitment. I can't just say it once, I have to continue every day for the rest of my life.

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6 of your thoughts

  1. wow. that was beautiful.

    I still havent been able to bring myself to say those words. Ive thought the same things you have and its terrifying. its terrifying to think that God can do whatever He wants. its being open to the possibility that my life could turn out like the book of Job. its freaky.
    but God loves us.
    and thats why we should have faith.

    thank you for sharing this.

    1. It is terrifying and you're so brave for admitting you can't say it - thank you! I was extremely freaked out and at times I still am. I still hold back and some days I just can't bring myself to look into the sky and give Him all. But the amazing thing is, he loves us even when we doubt or are afraid!

  2. Woah woah woah, this has been on my heart so so much lately.
    His will, not mine.
    So hard to fully submit to that!
    Thanks for sharing this with us- so much love!

    elissa // letters-to-jayna.blogspot.com

    p.s. Have you heard the song "Thy Will" by Hillary Scott?

    1. Aww thank you Elissa - your comment made my day!!!! Yes I have heard the song and the crazy thing is, people keep telling me I should listen to it so I guess I'll have to go back for a re listen haha. It's a lovely song and really dared me to tell God that His will be done in my life.

  3. I really appreciate this post. I relate to your struggle for control.. I've always liked to know what's going on, and tried to plan my life. Those four words must be some of the hardest to say - total surrender isn't easy. I think the most reassuring thing is though, He only wants what's best for us, and we can rest in that fact. Total surrender is really only putting our lives in the hands of the only One who knows what He's doing. Even hard things are for our benefit... but I struggle to remember that sometimes too.

    Anyway, thanks again for this post, and stay strong! xx

    1. Amen Jessica - so true!!!! God only does what is best for us and I'm beginning to see that more and more in my own life.
      Thank you for your sweet encouragement! I needed it! <3


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