if i could tell you

7:23 AM

When we first met I saw the hurt in your eyes and it stepped me dead in my tracks. You were trying to hide the pain inside but still, it continued to leak out, masked behind anger and strength and a fight so strong I couldn't help but be proud of your spirit.
You believed so many lies that it still breaks my heart.
Words often fail me but if I could talk to you now, I would tell you this.....

You are loved. You may not feel it now, but you are. You have a Savior who died for you, who doesn't love you any less for your dirty past, for the mistakes, and mistrust, You are loved and no one can take that away from you. Nothing you do, nothing you say. Your family may reject you, but your Savior never will. 
And neither will I. 

The last time I saw you, I had a feeling it was fake. It was too good to be true. Your smile was too wide, you were too excited to move away, you seemed too happy for it to be real. I just knew the moment couldn't last. Looking back I see it was a train wreak bound to happen. 
I hear about you now and my heart breaks. 
Words often fail me, but if I could talk to you now, I would tell you this....

Stone walls don't look good on you. You can't run for your past, and a new personality doesn't hide what you once were. Profanity and sex does nothing for you my friend. It's not taking you where you want to go. It's not your saving grace.

You are hiding behind the image you've built for yourself. 
And hiding never heals....it only breaks you further. 

We had fun, laughed, you were drinking a soda, the tips of your dyed hair reflecting the sun. You were being vulnerable that day. I saw the real you for the first time. 
Then you ruined the moment.
You told me I was perfect, that I was the 'good girl'. I knew you were comparing me to you, your life so imperfect compared to mine. 
But I was hurting then too, and I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know how to tell you that I was also building an image, that I saw it in you, because I saw it in me.
So I ignored the comment, and the rest of the summer went by and I never saw you again. But if I could see you again, I would tell you...

You are not alone. I know you felt you were, but images are hard to crumble - I know that better then anyone. I like to make myself look good, to hide the pain behind smiling social media photos and a carefree personality.
 I have the good girl image that so easily deceive people, but you can't judge me like you judge books. My cover doesn't tell people what's going on inside. And neither does your's.
 I can sense from the look in your eyes you feel alone. 
But my friend, that is so far from the truth. 
If I could tell you anything, if I could look in your eyes now, I would tell you this....

Do not hide who you are. By all means, be who you were meant to be.
 But don't stop striving for Jesus. In the process of this new image you have forgotten to trust in the One who made you. You have become lost in the process of finding who you are. 
You have become like me, more concerned about the image then your relationships, more concerned about what people think, then who you've become. 

We've lost contact. I haven't talk to you since. I think about you sometimes, wonder where you're at. I want to tell you that you are loved, that there's a purpose for your life, that Jesus isn't finished with you yet. 
But I can't, because I waited and now it's too late. 
So I write a blog post instead, hoping to substitute for the words I should have said but never did. 


I wrote this for all the people in my life who I would like to go back and talk to, tell them what I really want to but never did. I think we often feel intimidated to speak truth because we know the truth can hurt. 
However, this summer I have really seen a need for an honesty with those I love in my life, with learning the balance between loving honesty and hateful honesty. It's easy to beat yourself up for all the things you wanted to say, should have said, but never did. 
I'm learning that it's okay to let people know they're wrong, that they're making mistakes. We often feel too scared to step into someone's life, to give them both love and criticism.

But it's needed. 

We need it in our own lives and we need to learn to be that loving voice to those around us. Sometimes love means sitting down and telling them that they are wrong, yes, but they still have a Savior who loves and cares for them deeply and that they can live tomorrow because of that. 
Never be afraid to speak truth, because I am learning to see that truth can be the action that begins to move mountains. 

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12 of your thoughts

  1. is this based off a real story? We are all broken, and can at times try to hide it all, run to a delapidated building, then it falls, and if not for a savior, you didn't live at all. WIll you let the Savior, come in as the building colapses, or would you rather die in the rubble, because of you not willing to take the cahnce of being saved?

    1. It's based off real experience but anyway...thank you for commenting!!!

    2. sorry for the long and over poetic response.

  2. OH MY HEART. <3 It's pounding- this is something I have gone through as well. Such an interesting piece of writing. I can't feel anything right now because I am only feeling out the words I just read. You're so talented.

    1. Aww thank you so much Vanessa - your words made my evening! I think we can all relate to this. XOXO

  3. I love this!! This was so so beautiful <3

    1. Thanks so much - your words mean a lot to me. *Hugs*


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