life is my mission

6:59 AM

Hola readers!

I've always wanted to do something big. I was the type of girl who couldn't decide a major because I wanted to pick something that would make the most difference. When I wrote books back as a young teenager, I imagine not just writing books, but writing books that change peoples' minds about issues that matter to me. I didn't just want to blog, I wanted to make people think.
I was the girl who dreamed of huge mission trips, and was inspired by stories about my real life heroes such as Nate Saint and Louie Zamberini, and listened with my whole heart in school as my mom talked about missionaries and huge revivals and world-travelers. My favorite movies revolved around strong main characters who made a difference and was remembered, like Robin Hood and Frodo and seeing the kids in Narnia conquer the white witch. My mind swirled with ideas and thoughts of how I could change the world.
I wanted to make a big change.
Not just a little one.
I wanted to look back on my life and leave a mark, to live for something bigger than myself.

But no matter how much my mind whirled with ideas, I couldn't figure out how to make a big enough difference. I wasn't going on a missions trip, depression held me captive, and by the time I almost graduated High School I knew I wanted to write...I couldn't imagine myself a police officer or social worker or in the military or a missionary or even traveling overseas. I was happy living in my small town, I loved my little church, and I was perfectly content with those in my community.

But I remember feeling a huge sense of loss...
How could I make a difference where I was at? I wasn't doing anything particularly special.

People told me to have faith.
God could move mountains, they said. Just have faith and I would have money for that missions trip or college and I would get to do big things.
But He didn't.
Not that I could see anyway.
I didn't see any lights form heaven, I didn't have a ring to take to Mordor, and I didn't feel called to preach to natives. No matter how much faith I had, that just wasn't happening.
And this made me feel almost worthless. My dreams seemed to small yet so impossible compared to so many others. I worked a summer job to help kids in my area, I now bus tables, and for years I didn't even have a job. My dad is the pastor of a tiny church where everyone feels more like family and I've never reached more than 120 people on my blog.
I'm the normal person. I don't see myself as a world changer.
I loved my life, my family, I loved where I lived and my friends. But I wasn't doing anything that makes people raise their eyebrows.
I'm not a doctor or lawyer or even going to college.
Currently, I'm 20 and I bus tables and edit and edit my book that I hope to one day publish. I battle anxiety and depression and plan and dream and cope and hope.
I'm not one of those people that make others go, "now there goes someone who's going to change the world. She's going places."
 I'm happy with who I am. I don't want to change, and that's okay, even if it's not okay with others. Maybe you're with me? Maybe you see yourself in this ramble?
Then listen up.
I write this for you.
Because God has whispered in my life and reminded me of this truth. Jesus came and He wasn't a world changer in the peoples' sense of the world. He ate with weird people, hung out with prostitutes and cheats, did jobs that didn't make much money, and preached outside. He told stories that people could relate to, and loved the misfits and people who felt they weren't doing much with their life.
People didn't see Him as a world changer.
He raised eyebrows but seemingly for all the wrong reasons. He wasn't loud spoken but spoke out when he saw a need. He gave food to the poor and hugged the sick. He wasn't in the churches because He was the church.
People probably questioned Him.
But he kept going because he wanted to teach people like me something:

my life is my mission.

I want to do big things and there's nothing wrong with that. Big dreams, reaching high, making a big impact and being a missionary or leaving home or fostering kids when you're barely out of childhood yourself...all good things.
These people never cease to inspire me. If you are one of these people, hugs are coming your way. I admire and respect you.
But I wasn't created to be that type of person.
I just wasn't.
I'm me with my own unique journey and my life is my mission no matter where I end up. The mission field is my job, my friends, my neighborhood, the school down the road. It's going out and feeding the homeless in my city who live off drugs and past regrets. It's writing a play at my church, and blogging and editing my novel that I feel called to right. It's hugging the hurting and telling stories people can relate to. It's being okay with raising eyebrows and going the places most people ignore. It's cleaning parks, texting my hurting friend that I love her, going out of my way to help someone else, and reaching even one person.
Just one.
It's about one thing at a time, being who I'm meant to's starting with where I am, knowing it's never too late to start again. It's not being too old or too young...but in the time and place where Jesus sets me.
It's not about the where or why or size of the mission, it's about where you're at right now, the people in your life right now, who you are right now, and using that.
That's all that matters.
My dreams may not always seem big enough or make enough money or be enough. I may never be enough for the world. But me and my journey means something to God. I mean something to Him and each day as I never fail to disappoint myself and others, I will never surprise God with my failings. Each day He picks me back up, puts me back on the path, and sends me out again. It's not about where I'm at -- it's about Who I'm with and where the journey is taking me.

If I can stop one heart from breaking
Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

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13 of your thoughts

  1. Your post reminds me of the difference between the words content and passive. Christ has called us to be radical and do hard things through His power, but we also must be content with the life He writes for us. And yet, passiveness and lukewarmness must never define a Christian's life. I like how you finished this post - it's about Who I'm with. Jesus is all that matters. ♥

    Thank you for sharing, Kara! Keep living your beautiful life for the Lord's glory, day by day and step by step. *hugs* I'm cheering you on!

    1. Thank YOU for your encouragement Hosanna -- you're beautiful words made my morning. XOXO

  2. I really needed to hear that today. Thank you for writing this. Ive been so stuck lately feeling like Im not doing enough. but I needed the reminder that Im working as hard as I can and I am enough.

    thank you for sharing <3

    1. When you are following God, when you're chasing after Him day after day, you're doing enough. I'm with you doesn't always feel like enough. We want to do big things.
      But sometimes our ideas of 'big' aren't His. <3 <3 <3
      Thank you for commenting!!!

  3. all this makes sense. I want to help others as my life mission or whatether, which is possible, something for years I have felt called to do because I don't have many gifts but I have a heart that is very compassionate. Often I HAVE felt off and on like I am making no progress whatsoever, in that and in other areas. My only job
    I have that kinda pays is I run a very small scale urban farming and greenhouse operation in my back yard. But I am practicing what I have been learning at community college. I want to be THAT PERSON who has a large impact in helping others and I still don't see the full picture, but when I look around I realize I do just that, wether it be things as little as complimenting someone and smiling an saying " I hope you have an awesome day." to my charity work at a local ministry thrift store that is part of a Christian drug and alcohol addiction program called Living Free, or even my latest possibility, which is me training for being a councilor on the Crisis Text Line. I am slowly noting I am doing what I want to do. Its the small things that can make a difference. Treating restaurant customers like they are more than random people but are important people who all deserve the best service possible, then even going beyond at times. It is texting your best friend and staying up late , asking her off and on , if she feels better, and telling the Christian girl who hurts herself that even the smallest victories are important and improvement, and every victory, even the smallest, is a big accomplishment.

    1. YES! I love your dedication and your enthusiasm Evan! Keeping fighting the good fight, friend!

    2. I will. I like your openness about your brokeness and not hiding behind a mask. I don't know if you do that in real life but you do that well on here, and I bet you are just as awesome in that in real life also!

  4. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FAR YOU CAN GO. If you think you're giving up on your dreams, you may need to think again.

    Still, being content where you are is a wonderful thing. Look around you with new eyes and see all the gifts you've been given. You're 20 years old. THAT, in itself, is a gift far beyond your understanding right now.

  5. Wow. I loved reading this. First off you have made me think sooooo many times through your blog. Your posts are all so interesting to me because they reflect you and your ideas and just your amazing faith. You have succeeded in making people think and change their minds about things. :) Second I loved the almost journey of this post. :)

    Nabila | Hot Town Cool Girl

    1. Oh my word you made me so happy girl!!!!!! Love you!!!! XOXO

  6. I know this post is a few weeks old, but I just read it (catching up on my super-slackness in blog reading!), and wow. I relate, and your conclusion was so perfect. Keep being faithful in the seemingly small things God has called you to! Who knows, maybe you'll end up changing the world along the way. I'm always blessed by your openness and genuine sharing, girl. You do make a difference. xx


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