why i'm changing how i pray and how it's changing me

7:14 AM

For me praying is how I survive. Prayer has pulled me through panic attacks, anxiety, long nights of fear and questioning when my brain refuses to shut down, through crying fests and pity parties and nuclear meltdowns when I screamed at the world.
Prayer has been my rock.
I need my God to get me through. 
But sometimes I don't have faith to pray.
Faith to pray for specifics.
Faith to pray beyond generalities.
Faith to pray for what my heart longs for but is too afraid to ask.
Faith to pray for reconciliation in relationships, for me to have forgiveness for those who have hurt me most, for healing in the lives of those I love, for the seemingly impossible.
I ask God for help but sometimes I'm terrified to pray for specifics, terrified of His answer, terrified His answer will be no or yes or that He will not answer at all.
But there is something I learned.
God cannot answer prayers we refuse to pray. He simply cannot.

When ya healthy it's like, we don't really care for Him then
Leave me alone God, I'll call you when I need you again
Which is funny, everyone will sleep in the pews
Then blame God for our problems like He sleeping on you
We turn our backs on Him, what do you expect Him to do?
It's hard to answer prayers when nobody's praying to you

Praying for specifics terrifies me. 
I don't have a lot of faith. 
I have grown very cynical over the years when it comes to how God answers prayers. 
But I watch the world around me and I'm beginning to realize -- I will not let this consume me. I refuse to let me faith or lack thereof define who I am or will become. 
I will pray for specifics. 
I will not let my little faith define me 
I will pray for specifics. 
I will pray for healing. 
I will pray for reconciliation
I will pray for salvation. 
I will pray for peace. 
I will pray for hope. 
I will pray for even the little impossible things such as for help in the church my family planted our fourteen years ago, for a used car in my price range, for strength. 
I will pray even when I do not have faith, even when life is crashing around me, even when those I love go through hell. I will pray anyway. 
God does not ask for us to pray with great faith and little fear. 
He just asks us to come. 
So I will come. 
I will come and ask for what I need most, for my heart cries, and I will look for answers. 
Because God cannot answer what we do not ask. 
So I will ask. 

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14 of your thoughts

  1. <3 Beautiful, Kara! I relate with this so much!! <3

  2. I cannot tell you how much I needed this right now. Thank you. <3

  3. AMEN.

    ~ Lily Cat (Boots) | lilycatscountrygirlconfessions.blogspot.com

  4. Love this! I find it hard to pray sometimes, too, especially when I don't see results or I don't feel very close to God. I give up way too easily. We just have to keep praying. <3


    1. Amen! What's incredible about our prayers is it doesn't matter how we feel because God knows our hearts. <3

  5. This post is well done and accurate.


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