why i'm choosing to still live at home as an adult

8:13 AM



Hola readers!
There's fog outside my window. I have a cup of coffee beside me that's half empty. Joshua Luke Smith plays on my Spotify and I'm wearing my normal day-off-work clothes of t-shirt and basketball shorts and no makeup.
And I'm thinking about how I'm twenty (nearly twenty one) and still live at home as everyone tends to point out.
I had a conversation with someone recently who told me she could never live at home because her and her family disagree so much. I understand how she feels about not agreeing with her parents as an adult. There was a season where me and dad argued about anything and everything. We disagree on a lot sometimes...like my choice of TV and music and books and lifestyle. And I don't always agree with his.
But we love each other -- a lot. I love my dad and I know without a doubt that he loves me.
I think we have reached a place where we chose to agree to disagree.
And I have chose to live at home -- as of now.
I'm blessed.
Not everyone can agree to disagree with their parents.
Not everyone has parents to come home to.
And even if they do, not everyone has parents together or clean from drugs or who actually care whether they come home at all.
I get that.
Everyone's choice is different, everyone's reasons vast...

But I have chosen to still live at home as an adult.

At first I didn't like to tell people. People judge me for it, tell me they never could make that choice. Some act like I'm not adulting because of that choice.
But for me I'm making that choice because I am making an adult choice.
I am working part time.
I am writing without getting paid.
I have two jobs: One pays and the other doesn't.
I don't make enough to live alone and even if I did, I would have none left over to save. It is unrealistic to even entertain living alone. It's unrealistic to try. I pay for my car, my gas, my needs. I buy things for my mom when she needs something and I'm out. I take my siblings to the pool (and pay for it). I'm not saying this to sound like I'm a hero or good or better.
I'm just saying this is my life.
I have five younger siblings. The youngest is ten. I love them. I enjoy helping them and watching them grow.
And in the process I save. I'm able to go more places and do more because I live at home. I bought a car and it's paid off. It's a 2013 and I'm proud of it.
I'm proud I live at home.
I'm proud of my job.
I'm proud of my life.
A lot of people will judge you for the choices. A lot of people will tell you, you're wrong. I think for me, being an adult has been making choices people don't understand and don't like, and learning not to care.
Being an adult for me has been dropping out of college and following my dreams and second guessing myself every step of the way. Being an adult for me has meant living at home. It means making a choice to still pay for my own things without having to pay rent or a house payment. Being an adult means stepping out...but sometimes it means doing the opposite of the advice of everyone else.
I chose to live at home for a lot of reasons.
It wasn't an easy conclusion.
I am an independent soul.
By nature I would rather not having to answer to anyone, to live alone.
But life isn't going that way.
And that's okay.
I think the world has adulting all wrong.
It's not a stereotype. It's not a certain step that makes you an adult.
Sometimes it's going against the norm. It's doing what's best for you.
Making decisions like this is being an adult. It's me saying, "I'm doing this because I should and not always because I want to." It's teaching me to agree to disagree, to get along with more than myself, to be flexible, to work around other's schedules. It's being a role model to my youngest siblings, to carpooling...it's basically one of the best things honestly.
And it's basically a choice. It's a choice to do these things, to feel this way, to live this way. It's possible because I let it be. Don't say you don't have a choice, that you could not possibly do a certain thing.
We all have choices.

And I love my life. I wouldn't change it for the world.

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14 of your thoughts

  1. This is really well written and it makes sense and is very understandable you have deci3ed not to move out yet. I ain't moved out because i'm currently jobless and in college. Eventually, God will give me work I know that it takes awhile though. So for me it isn't really a choice. I have gotten to see my mentally insane sister slowly change from anger outbursts to things being less crazy. Still she hates everyone except my dad, but she is improving and seeing a adopted sibling change for the better throughout the years while stuck at your home due to economic reasons and disability, there is good in it. Get's super lonely but that's life

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    1. Thank you for commenting Evan -- keep being a light!

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  2. I'm 29 and I made the same choice. I know it's late. I know. But I'm in a similar situation - I work my ass off and still don't make enough money to rent a flat. I'm in debt because I wanted to study. After many years fighting with my parents we learnt to love each other and help each other out. Also, I'm in therapy for depression (just saying it to add some context) and my mom is always there for me. I'd love to have my own flat and don't worry about life. But we all know life's not like this. Love xx

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    1. Ah, it's good to hear your perspective! You being 29, I'm sure that raises some more questions in general because people expect you to be "on your own." Life doesn't go as planned but we don't need to judge each other for it either. Thank you for commenting!

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  3. Yes! Love this!

    astorydetective.blogspot.com

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  4. This came at the right time! Today I was talking about my future with my mom and I was really stressed out, it's always a good reminder that one doesn't have to rush into things they aren't ready for and that staying is okay.

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    1. Aw, yes so true. Don't rush into anything, Gray -- it all falls into place without us trying to hurry it along. I'm watching most of my friends move out, get married, and even have kids, and I'm being that live-at-home adult. That's okay. <3 <3 <3

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  5. As a young adult choosing to live at home for the foreseeable future or at least until I finish school, I 100% understand and appreciate this post. <33

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  6. WOW, just yes all the way!! I've never seen anyone of your age explain why they're living with their family so efficiently. Awesome job, Kara!! You enjoy your family as long as you can! ^^

    ~ Lily Cat (Boots) | lilycatscountrygirlconfessions.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks so much Lily - you made my morning!!!! I plan on it. <3

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  7. THIS 😭 Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic!! I'm a bit late to the post here, but I just stumbled across it. I'm in the same boat as you. I get that society, as a rule, thinks being an adult equates to "flying solo" 100%, but what about making mature, wise choices or helping family? From my perspective, as long as we pull our own weight/ don't take advantage of or abuse that privilege, it's fine. Sticking around to help family or even the decision to live with them long-term (especially unmarried daughters) was a huge trend in centuries past.

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    1. YESSS!!!! I couldn't agree more with your comment -- thank you!!!!!

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