in love with misery

5:03 PM

 i don't want help, i don't want to get better
all i want is your sympathy
can't stop myself, can't keep it together
cause i'm in love with misery
i'll do the motions you seek
i'll pray the works you speak
but you won't get this heart locked inside me
i don't want help, i don't want to get better 
cause i'm in love with misery

would you pay attention to me
without the drama of #sodepressed
don't try to take excuses from me
cause victims get a free license to put you through hell

misery disciple

We have become a culture of victims. We tell you that darkness is beautiful, we glorify our mental instability. We tell you it's okay to cry but we never commit to healing. 
It's easier to follow the darkness than seek light. It's easier to continue the way we've been living than change our lifestyle. 
It's easier to cry victim, to say we're lonely, than let go of our insecurities, to say we have anxiety than dig at the roots. It's more comfortable to remain in a lifestyle giving us hell. 

We know we don't have the answers. 
We know there is something more.
But we don't bother.
Because according us, there's no point.
There's always tomorrow. [until there isn't.]

I's easier to remain in misery than to get up, to try for real this time, to run the race until the end. We're exhausted. It would be time consuming to start again. We tell ourselves there are no second chances. We call ourselves failures and refuse to get back up.  
It's easy to want change, but it takes faith and trust to believe in second chances. We're tired of trying, of being let down...of letting ourselves down. 
So we believe...yet fail to act. 
Because unknowingly we can become in love with misery, in love with playing the victim. Darkness feels honest, more real than so-called artificial healing.

But darkness fails to give us the answers we crave.

Look in my eyes
There is no disguise
I'm not alright
I'm beginning to believe my lies

misery disciple

Sometimes I find myself saying yes. 
Sometimes I find myself playing the victim card because I feel it gives me more of a right to give people hell, to complain, the license to walk in darkness. 
Sometimes I catch myself finding more honesty in the darkness. I can be myself there. In a twisted way, I am fascinated with the black, with the death and decay. I live in a world that popularizes my emo heart, the little girl who found herself finding solace in the darkness, in knowing she was not alone there. But I cannot remain there -- not when there is so much more for me.

Cousin: I love doing dramatic poses
Me: And I love taking them

darkness falls short of answers. There are no answers there -- only a vicious cycle of pain. I've tried darkness, but found only misery, and I am no longer in love with being a slave to misery. I've become exhausted of being a slave to my emotions, of being a slave to my mind, of defining my worth by my thinking. 
Darkness twists your thoughts, making you feel more accepted by it than the light. 
But there are no lasting answers. The misery is lying to you, fighting to keep you in its hold. 
It cannot offer up more than that. 

please don't be the one to say, "i'm in love with misery." 
You won't find happiness there.

This is a reminder for you today: You don't deserve to live in misery.
You are so much more than the seemingly captivating darkness. You are defined by light and beauty and love. You are a precious soul who should never find solace in death and black.
You are loved, darling.
Seek answers.
Seek to rise.
And don't stop at the first failing.
Keep fighting.
Give yourself second chances
and third
and forth
and fifth.

And fight.

Because reaching the Light is worth every breath, every battle. 

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5 of your thoughts

  1. This is so inspirational. Obsessed with darkness in unhealthy ways is somewhere I've been before so I can relate to many of the things you're saying in these words. So glad I got to read this! I'll keep fighting! <3 You keep fighting too!

    1. Aww thank you so much! This really means a lot to me. <3 <3 <3


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