i wish you could see yourself through my eyes

8:26 AM






I live with myself. 
I know that sounds weird but it's true. We live with ourselves -- there's no escaping. 
And in that we often do not see ourselves for our value or beauty. It's easy to dwell, to focus on the darkness and failings we know are there. 
If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others...through the eyes of God...I wonder how many lives would be saved, suicides prevented. 
Instead we tend to hide within, become slaves to the labels and lies we give ourselves, captives to our thoughts, to past actions. We forget how much we are loved and how irreplaceable we are. 
I was at work the other day and basically overcome by what people were thinking about me...or that I assumed they were thinking about me. I remembered the times I would stare at myself in the mirror and call myself over and over "ugly," almost like a punishment for all my failings. 
Here is an open letter to those who I wish could see themselves through my eyes, who like me are slaves to their thoughts, defined by their feelings. 
Dear beautiful soul,
You want to be invincible. You've been dependent on people so many times. You just want to be strong again. 
But you're not. 
You're falling apart. 
Remember what it felt like to be happy and strong? No, that was too long ago...or maybe that day ever existed. You're defeated. You feel worthless, replaceable. Each day you scramble for some sort of meaning. You want to live for something, to not die and be forgotten, but every day feels like another step back from the person you want to become. 
Dear beautiful soul, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. It's easy to forget, when looking in the same mirror each day. It's easy to forget your value when you're looking to your feelings to get you through the day, when words are slung in your face telling you who you ought to be. 
It's hard to feel pretty when the world defines beautiful and you could never hold a candle to their standards. 
Dear beautiful soul, I don't care what the others say, how the world defines beauty. Beauty has become about outward, hiding the inside, hiding our faults and scars. You are beautiful not because of what you wear but because of who you are. 
You love like there is no tomorrow. 
That is beautiful. 
You dance like no one is watching. 
That is beautiful. 
You hold people up who are falling apart.
That is beautiful.
You are stronger because of your scars.
That is beautiful. 

You are a precious soul. You life holds so much value. You imagine that people are talking behind your back. You tend to dwell on the darkness and forget the light...because sometimes in the night you forget about the sunrise. 
I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, how your laugh lights up the room, how you inspire others to be better than they think is possible. I wish you saw how you give the best hugs, how irreplaceable and loved you are.
I know it's hard, seeing yourself in the same mirror each day. I know you can't see what I see. 

But I just wish
you could see yourself through my eyes

Because then you would know

You are loved.

You are loved.

God whispered to me one day and said, "you trust me to take away the big mistakes, to forgive the big things you've done...but you have to learn to trust me for the every day, little, failings, the things no one but you sees."
God does not define you by your failings.
He wants to remove them
if you'll let Him.
I know the pain is sometimes unbearable. I know life doesn't make sense. I know that you've been the cynic, life a dark place. I know there seems to be no way out. I know you want to prove yourself, to be stronger than the demons.
If you could see what I see, you know see that you are.
You are strong.
I watched you take on so much for someone so young, influence so many souls by simply choosing to keep living. Someone once told me the darkness likes to try to take the best people, the ones who have the most influence because it knows the possibility those people have.
I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish you could see the beauty I see, the power I see in your life.
When I first saw you I knew there was something special, how you weren't like the others kids.

And I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. 

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