September/October Journal Snippets

6:53 AM

Look at this beauty from a car show the other week. It was fixed up like a camper say I'm in love is an understatement + it's in my favorite color. I may or may not have snapped a dozen photos and exclaimed like a dork as I walked around the bus. 

September 12th//
Lately I've realized how obsessed with being there for others I can be, or how instantly I assume the role and fill in when needed without even considering...I don't have to be. I'm exhausted from trying to be everything for everyone.

September 15th//
We're back in limbo about church.

My worry list (just for the record)
I worry I will lose my friends
I worry I will get sick
I worry that those I love will go to hell
That my car will break down
That I am not good enough
That I'll get fat
That I need to prove myself
That I suck as an author
That I'm ugly 
That I'm annoying 
That I worry...*clears throat* This one is probably true ;) 
That I will never heal
That my friends are my friends just because they feel sorry for me
That I bother people
That I should go back to college
That I am alone in my beliefs

September 18th//
We made it to the DMV and back!
My gosh, an hour and a half later, after confusing a poor old lady and nearly getting denied because of faulty paperwork, Charles Thomas walked out with his license and I walked out with my renewed-because-i-am-21-license!

September 19th//
I'm doing better today.
A lot better.
I'm so emotional. One minute I'm literally flying high like I'm on drugs and the next I feel dead depressed, consumed by insecurity. 

Peace is not a thing -- peace is a Person
-- Notes from Breaking Free From Anxiety 

September 22nd//
God has really been teaching me a lot about myself of late, of what it means to lean into Him [and] who is peace.
Peace isn't my feelings.
Peace is a literal Thing who is breaking down my walls, one brick at a time.
I'm no longer a slave.
[But] I can act like it. I can let my emotions make or break me.

My Cousin humans, me, and my sisters

September 25th//
How does God work? In the quietness of our soul, in the gentle stirrings and living whispers. In the breath of the wind and warm sunshine, and in explainable, unexpected ways.
And He can even speak through me. 

October 3rd//
The problem with the church today is that we forget that our crap is welcome in the church -- it's not supposed to be a place of perfect people but of Perfect Love.

October 9th//
On a random happening this man get's to talking to me, tells me I'm at Panera for a reason and that God has placed a calling in my life.

My sister Kailin is all grown up...

October 14th//
End the grieving process. Mourn but learn how to move on.
For me it's knowing how not to mourn, how to look beyond the brokenness of the world and find hope and healing. 

 It's been a crazy last couple of weeks...or try months. Writing and work and more work...and then some writing on the side. Also there's been some ups and downs, uncertainties and a lot of consider.
21 has been a growing process so far and I'm doing a lot of soul searching. I spend a lot of my evenings in the corner of my yard praying and soaking in the silence. A lot of these journal entries have been birthed in that quiet peace.
I'm currently seeking a church which is hard. As some of you may know, my dad is a pastor. To make this switch after fifteen years has been extremely difficult. There is no easy way to do this.
I'm trucking through though. 21 has been amazing, because growth is amazing.
I'm also reverting back to childhood in my music choices -- lots of Lifehouse, Switchfoot, and The Fray. They were my favorites in middle school and into high school so it's been very nostalgic to listen to them. There's nothing like blaring music on a drive to work in the early morning hours with the sun peeking over the mountains of orange and red.

What has your fall looked like? Do you relate to any of my wanderings?

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8 of your thoughts

  1. My fall has been crazy, i have lost some friends which is never ideal, but i'm also busied trying to flip my grades. Been enjoying baseball playoffs and excited for the World series! Between my new job, volenteer work for a Christian ministry, and classes, a lot has happed. And you liked The Fray? They were a really good group! I always have liked their song You Found Me. A LOT of your journel snipbitts are relatable, by the way. You are inspring!

    1. Thanks so much Evan! Yes I love The Fray -- they were my childhood!

  2. I relate so much to your worry list.
    For me, fall has been a time of change for my priorities and a time of letting old things go.
    Praying for you, friend!

    1. Your prayers mean so much to me. XOXO Thank you! And completely understand about letting go -- boy that's tough but needed!

  3. Such a beautiful post! That list of worries hit home, I share a lot of those.

    1. I think a lot of us do -- worries plague each one of us. <3

  4. I love your collection of thoughts in this post. Thank you for sharing...I especially love the 25th of September entry- I can relate wholly and it was a lovely feeling to hear someone else explain something I had been thinking this very last week. Keep on writing ♥

    1. I am so glad you enjoyed these! I plan on keep writing -- thanks so much! <3


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