no i'm not gay |a blog post on the ones still judging me|

6:17 PM



Last year I decided to cut my hair short. I had been planning it for months but couldn't obtain the courage for forever.
When I made the choice, it wasn't for anyone but myself, to prove to no one but my own conforming spirit that I could do this without worrying what people would think.
It was a big change for my look; some people loved my hair while others just stared in shock (aka my dad). But I didn't realize the questions that would follow from everyone, even complete strangers. Questions like if I was gay or thinking of coming out, questions about why and what made me make the choice, as though I was changing my identity. 
Then people began to assume me for a boy.
And I am clearly a girl. 
Grant it, sometimes I have a more emo, grunge image if I'm in the mood, sometimes I choose to wear a ballcap and jeans and sometimes (okay, most of the time), I'm too lazy to put on makeup. I know I have never had a boyfriend and that I'm a klutz and awkward and in general I'm just a dork. 
But I am all girl.
I'm a total romantic and hormonal and I enjoy my rom coms and I am often the opposite of emo and dress pretty girly. 
However wacking off my hair off taught me a lot...

My newly cut hair 2019

people are quick to judge (myself included)
people will use anything for gossip and to spread a good story
people assume
people will blame you for their mistakes

I have learned to brush off comments and questions. I have learned to not take myself too seriously. I have learned to watch how I interact with people in public, to treat everyone with respect no matter their gender identity or if they're gay, trans or bi. I have learned not to question people, to treat them equally, to not assume anything about anyone or ask any personal questions to anyone but the person I'm wondering about. 
No, I'm not gay. 
And I am seeing first hand how gossip sucks the joy and self-confidence from your life. It makes you rethink your actions and who are you. It is frustrating when people blame you for their assumptions ...but it's life. I can't change people, only myself. 

“I have ceased concerning myself with how things look to others, Abigail Rook. I suggest you do the same. In my experience, others are generally wrong.”
― William Ritter, Jackaby

I didn't realize the mini "crisis" that cutting my hair would rise up, but then, like I said, I didn't do it for anyone. I did it for me and my own personal growth and that's all that matters in the end. I did it because it was out of my comfort zone, because I needed to be my own person not matter what people would assume. 
I write this for the ones who understand this so they may know they're not alone and I write this for the ones who fail to understand so that maybe somehow they might. 
 Peace out, readers. 
You are never alone in your struggles. 

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14 of your thoughts

  1. But your hair is very cute!! Having short, cute hair makes you gay now??? OMG the world is so screwed up. I could see getting comments if you'd shaved your head or something, but REALLY??? I whack my hair in the summer when it's hot, give myself a short pixie cut, then I let it grow a bit in the winter. It's just a hairstyle. Come on, people.

    My sister worked at a Home Depot in the gardening department, and she painted her fingernails black. She said that she got judged SO harshly for those fingernails. One time a customer, an older guy, asked her why a nice girl like her had black fingernails. She said, "I work in the garden department and my fingernails are always dirty, so the black polish hides it." The guy was shocked that she had such a reasonable explanation. So yeah. People judge you for stupid things.

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    1. Ohh Home Depot story -- that's so sad!
      Thank you for commenting and sharing. People do say things without thinking and even I am guilty of it. Having short hair and getting dumb comments made me realize how judgmental my own comments can be.
      Anyway, I appreciate you commenting and sharing!

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  2. My dad still hasn't stopped looking at me in shock and its been like 2 weeks since i cut my hair lol. But thanks for this, it was something that i really needed :)

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    1. Haha SAME! It took my dad so long to actually get use to the idea that I'm not going to have long hair. We laugh about it now

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  3. That Jackaby quote! It's so good! It's just hair people need to get over it.
    It suits you, and you definitely don't look like a boy.

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    1. Aw thanks! And YES YES I adore Jackaby -- I had to add a line from him in there somewhere.

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  4. I'm sooo sorry, Kara! That's out of line for those people. Goodness. >.< I've thought of cutting my hair that short but my mom says my type of hair wouldn't do it well. I'm a Floof.

    The lesson is soo important. And I mean, heavens! Even gay/lesbians/etc don't have to cut their hair off to be that...? I mean most of them I know look like society's version of normal, anywho.

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    1. I know right?! I know some gays/lesbians and half the time you can't even tell, which makes sense because aren't we all just human?
      Thank you for commenting Angela!!! *Hugs*

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  5. Haha oh dear, when I had short hair ppl sometimes thought I was a boy too - but that was purely unintentional mistakes. Happens to my sisters ALL THE THE TIME actually even though two of them clearly have girls hairstyles even though it's short hehe it's just what happens when they wear a hat and neutral clothes.

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    1. I know it happens to more than me but it's good to actually hear firsthand! I hope this makes people look twice before assuming. ;)

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  6. Ah yes, people assume lots, don’t they. I’m guilty of it myself. I think assuming is the easy way out instead of actually finding the truth in a situation. And with assuming, people like to lump ya into groups instead of looking at the individual. (Kinda similar to the bad wrap homeschoolers get...) People talk, but don’t let them change who you are. Everyone has their own story to live.

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    1. They honestly do -- thank you for packing so much truth in your comment. And YES the bad image around homeschoolers. *Sigh*
      I get it all the time haha.

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  7. This has happened to me, not because of my hair but because of my style. I often get asked if I'm bi when I'm on campus, it's usually very respectfully from other people in the LGBTQ+ spectrum, but I wish people didn't stereotype.
    I don't know how cuffing my jeans, wearing flannels or T shirts, vans, and dying my hair makes me anything but someone who likes that style and feels comfortable in it.

    I'm sorry that people are assuming things about you because of your hair, I can't imagine how annoying that would be. My grandmother once messaged me a picture of my cousin with her new haircut that was also short and asked me, "is she gay now?" and I just said that a haircut has nothing to do with people's sexuality of all things.
    My little sister also has short hair a little bit longer than yours and gets called "young man" a lot. I hope in the future people are more sensitive before assuming things about people or at least have the sense to mind their business, if we were bi, gay, or anything, we should have been given the time to feel comfortable enough to tell them.

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    1. Yes, all these questions asked towards me are very respectful too, not geared to make me upset. However even if I was gay, I agree we should be given time to be comfortable enough to tell them.
      Thanks so much for being open and honest. Your comment shed light on this topic so well! <3

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