21 years

6:29 AM




21 years single.
So single in fact, that I've never been asked on a date. I rarely have guys flirt with me. I'm everyone's friend.

That sounds bad.
Maybe a little sad.
21 years single. 

This Valentines I didn't allow that fact to to affect me though.
I refused to even think about it.
For so long I mourned being single -- especially around the age of fifteen/sixteen and watching friends go on dates, and after High School, seeing marriages and kids. I often wondered if something was wrong with me -- if I wasn't beautiful enough or wore enough makeup or did enough.
But no matter what I did, it didn't matter: nothing changed.

Let me tell you what 21 years single taught me...

You don't need anyone to be happy. You don't need that one human to be happy. I would love a guy. I'll not lie -- I wouldn't mind being asked on a date, even if I had to turn the dude down. Turning a guy down would even be flattering.
"You don't know what you're missing," people say.
And I don't, but I think that's a good thing. I don't need to know what I'm missing, and I am happy just the way I am.

You should do you. Cutting my hair last year was the most rebellious thing I could do against the demons inside that told me to be anything but me. That maybe if I changed people (not just for romantic purposes) would like me better....or if I did something drastic like chopping off my hair, guys would find it unattractive.
So I cut my hair anyway, even though I was afraid, even though I didn't know if people would like it or not -- because I wanted to, for me and no one else.
I stopped trying to change my personality a few years ago -- being anyone but me was too exhausting. People should take you as you are or not at all. 
Because if they don't, they aren't for you. 

We have this idea that if we change, whether that be who we are, our circumstances, or whatever may be the case, that we will be happier, more complete...healed. 
I've learned that that's not the case. 
Changing who we are meant to be to gain something will only fail us in the end. 
We don't need people's approval to live. 
We don't need what people can give us to fulfill the longing in our hearts, because in the end people will fail us. 
I've learned to stand on my own two feet with no one backing me. I've learned to dream alone. I've learned to heal, to focus on me instead of having to juggle a relationship and getting my mental self together. 
Being single 21 years has been good. 
It's been really good. 

Easy?
Never?

But good?
Always.

21 years single...and maybe here's to another 21....but hopefully not.
I'm not gay. I'm not "content" single, but I'm happy because I choose to be. I know that no guy is going to satisfy me, not in the ways I want him to. I have too high expectations for men, and I know that they could never compete with who I want them to be.
Maybe I'm too realistic and have lost some of that romantic flair I use to have, that dreaming heart full of fairy tales. But I don't think so.
I think I'm just learning to be content with life, learning to take it one step at a time....

and enjoying 21 years single. 
(And crossing my fingers that I don't have to be that way for forever).

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9 of your thoughts

  1. Preach it! I’ve also been never asked out on a date before. And I’m learning to be totally ok with that. (I’d probably be a awkward mess anyway.) All in God’s timing... But in this awesome time of being single, don’t believe those lies about missing out, needing someone, etc. Let’s embrace being single. It’s a whole lot less complicated. *winks*

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    1. Is it ever haha. Thanks so much for commenting. <3

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  2. This is a great message! There is so much pressure to be in a relationship these days, but really, being single is just as fulfilling in its own ways. You are an amazing person all on your own, and no one and nothing should say otherwise!

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    1. Aw thank you for your sweetness, Emily. It means a lot to me. <3 <3 <3
      There is a lot of pressure -- learning to push past it is never easy but worth it!

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  3. YES Kara!! You said it perfectly: "I'm not "content" single, but I'm happy because I choose to be." Being single is also a wonderful season of life!! <3 What a great message. :)

    Hanne || losingthebusyness.wordpress.com

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    1. Thanks girly! Being single is a journey, just like being in a relationship. You grow and learn in both seasons. <3

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  4. You are brilliant and extra loving. I am happy you can see the light in this even though you still want and wonder about that connection. Keep your standards high because it counts. Don't settle for just anyone- settle for the one. It sounds so stupid to go on waiting for someone but I promise the right person will come at the right time. It's planned out just pray and enjoy being single for now.

    I was never in a serious relationship until now. Going on two months!! That's serious for me. So many guys had asked me to be theirs but I didn't want them to "give me the world." I wanted them to inspire me to live mine and show me new things. I found that person <3 Best feeling when he looks at me with endearing eyes and an open heart.

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    1. Aw girl I am so happy for you! He sounds like an incredible guy -- the kind of guy you deserve. <3 <3 <3
      I'm enjoying being single as much as I might wonder or be accused of being picky. Love you, Vanessa!

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  5. I'm glad your happy in spite of being single. I'm in the same boat, except I'm 25 XD

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