Growing Up Isn't As Easy As I Thought It Would Be

10:13 AM

BOOM! It seems like only a matter of moments that I went from an eleven year old, who really didn't like school all that much, spent a lot of time simply reading, wrote tiny pieces of stories, and dreamed of traveling to Narnia, to a sixteen (almost seventeen) year old, who still writes (but more then I use to), but now has lots of High School work to do, practices driving, and has to think of the future and whether or not I should get a summer job. 
It seems that time flew by and I don't know if I'm ready for all this growing up that's taking place.
 I wrote a blog post ( a few posts back actually), about going outside one night and just looking up at the stars - seeing God's amazing glory and power. I did something similar a few nights ago, but this time I had a conversation with God (and my sister Korin), concerning life. I was confused and wondering what I should do. 
All of a sudden I have decisions to make -  ones that my parents are telling me I need to make on my own. They're taking a step back (still guiding me as always), but now leaving some of it up to me and God alone. I wanted this day to come - when I was younger I would dream of being able to decide for myself what I would watch on TV, the music I would listen to, where I could drive to, what job to get - I pretty much thought of it as a carefree life with no rules. Now though, as I'm at that place it's taking so much faith in Jesus to continue on without having an extremely big amount of worrying going on. 
It's easy to freak and worry - as my Mom told me, "I can no longer always decide what books you read or what you watch on TV", I had that moment where I wanted to shrink about ten inches and be 12 or 13 again. Either that or go under my covers and pretend I was someone else - someone braver and wiser (as I use to when I was younger). 
I've always loved making my own choices, but I enjoy the comfort of leaning on my parents as well. I know I still go to them for advice, but no longer am I a little girl where they decide everything - I'm the one who must decide and possibly make mistakes (and own up to them). They can give me advice, but the ultimate choice to the matter is mine alone. 
This passed year when I realized how much my parents were loosening their rope around me, I grew a little afraid. As childish as this may sound - I was. 
Now though, I've realized how much this is strengthening me. Because they're leaving more choices up to me, they're saying, "I trust you". Not only that but I am growing in my relationship with the Lord. I'm seeing how much I need Him or otherwise I'll crash. 
It is going to be a long journey as I figure out what God has in store for my future and probably (very much like Bilbo in the hobbit), many unexpected things will happen. I can't freak though (as it is very easy to do), but let Jesus grab a hold of my hand and be my guide through the scary times as well as the easy ones. 

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2 of your thoughts

  1. Wow! That post was beautifully written!
    I so understand what you're getting at. I'm turning 15 in May, but I'm starting Running Start (the last two years of high school and the first two years of college combined.) I don't feel ready for that by ANY stretch of the imagination. I'm scared, and I don't even know what I want to do yet. And I'm so used to the homeschool environment, that attending classes is going to take LOT of getting used too.
    Anyway....thanks for sharing!
    I've been following your blog for a while now, but never took the time to comment. Not sure why! We have a fellow blogging friend in common (Elizabeth Lindsay). Anyway, I love your blog and the design is beautiful.:)

    1. Thanks so much Christine! I'm sure it will - I cannot even imagine taking college and High School combined and I highly admire you for it!!! =)
      God will guide you through everything and will be with you every step of the way.
      God bless!


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