When Fear Took Hold

7:49 AM

Monday, the day we celebrated my fourteen year old brother's birthday, we found out that he has type 1 diabetes. It wasn't a gradual process, it wasn't something that we learned slowly.
It was something that literally happened overnight. We'd seen the signs now that we think back. His lost energy. His constant thirst. How much weight he'd lost (a dangerous amount almost).
We checked his blood sugar that morning when he got up and it was almost 400. A dangerous number. A number we didn't know what to do with.
We watched what he ate all day, but it was his birthday and he wanted cake, his oreo ice cream, and because we didn't know for sure, we gave it to him.
That night we checked his blood again and it was almost 600. And that's when we all panicked.
This wasn't something to mess with but at first I think we were all in shock. For a full five minutes we did nothing.
Eventually my Dad took Charles Thomas to the ER and he was driven in an ambulance to a hospital further away where he could get better treatment. It was scary. Very much so.
It was like my brain had turned to fog. The rain outside, the dark clouds, mirrored my own heart. I didn't know why. Why God had allowed it.
The afternoon he came home (yesterday), I cried and cried. It's not his death sentence. People have it far worse. People have lost love ones, people have cancer or a deadly disease that will take their life.
 I'm an adult. I can handle my little brother having diabetes.
But I couldn't. Not at first.
His lifestyle changes and he's only fourteen. He's not use holding back when it comes to eating carbs (he's the kind of guy who goes to our church picnic and eats six cookies without thinking and have enough energy to burn it off by the end of day). He's not use to counting carbs.
I feel at times already like a wilted flower in need of water. It's hard. Very hard.
I just want to get away but there's nothing I can do. I'm stuck here. We all are.
But we're in it together. We have to.
Charles Thomas can't do this alone. I know that alone he'd probably break under the pressure of giving himself insulin and figuring out what he needs to eat, and when he should take a snack to make sure his blood sugar doesn't plummet.
Last night he went to bed afraid he'd not wake up. It's scary for him. It's not normal.
His diabetes have become the new normal though. And God is going to help him. This isn't the end. This is the beginning. It's already taught us to lean into God and not rely on ourselves.
 Yes, it's a long road ahead. A road full of carbs ad sugars that need to be discerned.
I just have to keep reminding myself of Romans 5:3-5 though. Verses that I need to cling to and take to heart.

\\ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,  and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. \\

You Might Also Like

6 of your thoughts

  1. I'll be praying for your family. You guys can get through this! God had a reason for everything. <3 <3

    1. Yes He does. He never does anything 'just because' but because He knows what's around the bend.

  2. I will be praying for Charles Thomas. Thats a very scary thing. yes, people have it worse, but that does not make his or your suffering irrelevant. God has His hands on your family.
    its okay to be afraid and to be scared. just dont let fear overtake you. I remember the day I found out I was sick. its terrifying. I can imagine that in a lot of ways its worse to have a sick sibling. Im sure you feel helpless.
    but remember that God is bigger than this.

    stay strong beautiful <3

    1. Thank you so much Faith! I really needed to hear that!
      You are a lovely woman Faith and your encouragement means a lot! ♥

  3. I'm sorry for what you and your family are and will have to go through with your brother's diagnosis. But the verse you provided really makes the point, and I hope God will bless you during this time!

    1. Thank you Emily! The verse has definitely helped me through this time and has been constantly on my heart.
      You are a blessing - thank you for commenting. ♥


Comments make me smile, lift my spirits and give me the motivation to continue writing. In return I'll comment on your blog, because you're awesome and deserve it.