My Writing Journey Thus Far [trying to get published, trying not to fail]

7:25 AM




Hola readers!
I don't think I've updated really anyone except close friends and some of my family or my current writing journey and where it's taken me. My sister Korin even informed me that she's mentioned to people I thought knew about my book goals, didn't even knew I'm a writer. For an aspiring author that isn't what you want to hear, because you want people excited to read your book, to know you're a writer and anticipate one day seeing the manuscript on bookstore shelves.
I guess when it comes to writing I'm an introvert. I don't like to shout out, "hey, this is me. I write."

I didn't know why that is. I mean, so many other aspiring authors let the world know who they are and what they want. Countless bloggers I follow have a page dedicated to their WIPs, blog posts filled with writing advice from time to time or character Q&As and the like. It's just not me to go about and advertise. I'm just not good at that and that's not why I chose to blog. I like to speak about hard-to-touch topics. It's not wrong to want to do otherwise...it's just not me.
But I had to ask myself why I'm not more open to let people I meet know that I'm writing a book, why I hate it when immediate family tell others that I'm writing a book. What's wrong with that? Why shouldn't I be proud of my goals? I am...I truly am. I love what I do and I'm truly  (mostly) confident that I'm where God wants me. But why am I hesitant to tell others about what I do when they ask?

Because I'm afraid of failing.

It's so simple, yet I never took the time to admit it to myself. Its's why when the lady cleaning my teeth at the dentist asks, I hang back. It's why I don't openly talk about my books to anyone but the people I live with and my closets friends. It's why I don't blog that much about it.

I'm afraid of failing.

I'm afraid that this will be for nothing. That the query letters and one proposal I sent out over the last week or so will be for nothing. That the spare minutes I had in High School I spent on writing will be for nothing. That the countless hours I spent editing will be for nothing. That even the ocular migraines from staring at the screen for so long will be for nothing. I'm afraid that I will get so close to reaching for my goal and it will all be for nothing. That this last year or so that I wasn't a student in college, will be wasted. That the time I could have been gaining credits at my community college will be for nothing. That the time I spent typing away could have been spent looking for a job.
I don't want to to sound heroic, that I've sacrificed so much for the sake of the hopes that I will be an author.
I'm not.
I've spent so much time in worry, doubt, fear - probably more time worrying then praying if I want to be honest. And I have prayed. I don't think I could have made it this far without prayer because it's so easy to give up, to say this will be for nothing.
I can't imagine me being anything but an author, a writer. I live and breath stories, fresh characters and plots. When I'm not writing them, I'm reading them.

And that one proposal that I sent out the other day? It was sent to a small publishing company, one specifically looking for YA fiction...the genre I write. They're looking to develop a line of YA and it gives me a little hope that they might, just might, consider me.
But I'm learning that I can't put my trust in anything BUT God. I just can't, even though I want to put all my faith in this publishing house. They might not say yes, and what will I do then? If the query letters go unanswered and the money keeps very slowly dwindling from my bank account as I try to save - what then?
I honestly don't have that many agents to seek out...those three letters I sent were the only ones I could find.

So I don't know.

I'm at a place, right now, where my only dependence, the only Person I can rely on, the only one who I can trust, who can truly tell me it will all be OK and can be me what I truly need... who's given me this desire to use writing as my ministry, is

God.

No one else.

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9 of your thoughts

  1. Awesome post Kara!! I will be praying for you... I hope one of those publishers answer you and publish your book!
    If they don't though, don't give up. You are not a failure. God doesn't make failures.:)

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    1. I hope so too but if not, thank you for your sweet encouragement!

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  2. Keep writing, Kara! I know how you feel. I love writing, but a lot of the time I feel so discouraged and don't think I'll ever be able to write something worthy of publishing. Many times I've thought, "I guess a writer isn't what I'm supposed to be."
    But recently I've come to see that, it's not really about what everyone else thinks! If God's placed those stories and messages on my heart, than He has someone that needs to hear them. He didn't give me the talent of writing for no reason. So, keep writing! I'm always touched and blessed by what you write and know others are, too. I hope everything works out for you! :)

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    1. Aww thank you S.F! I think that's why a lot of people don't try to get published the traditional way, is because it's very nerve-wracking showing people your work and getting rejections. We hate being rejected so we opt for something more 'comfortable.'
      Keep writing, yourself, my friend! I can see you doing amazing things. <3 Thank you for all your encouragement!

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  3. PS. The new pictures of you are so beautiful! ♥

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  4. Wow, thanks for your vulnerability. I'm encouraged by your faith and trust. Although I'm not an author in the sense that you are, I have felt uncomfortable with people talking about what I do, or what I hope to do. Perhaps it's for the same reason. Fear can be so powerful, and so defeating. But anyway, although maybe it feels like you're at the end of your options, know that you're in the best place you can be: His hands. Thinking of you during this time! xx

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    1. Fear is VERY powerful and if you allow it, it can control you and what choices you make.
      We're in this together, my friend!

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  5. It can be totally difficult to open up about writing a book! I feel the same way; I'm horrendous at talking about my work to family or friends, but I think most writers struggle with this at one time or another. Just keep doing what you're doing! Never let fear or uncertainty undermine your craft. Do it because you love it and see where it goes! :)

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    1. That's what I'm trying to keep in mind - we all have doubts, we all have struggles: press on.
      Thank you for your encouragement! <3

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