My Decade's Journal Entries, much has changed

7:23 PM

It's the end of a decade. 
Ten years. 
Maybe for some this means nothing but I feel a sense of finality with that thought. I was eleven January 1st 2010, eagerly looking to that August when I would be twelve and only a year from being a teenager. I remember telling my grandpa and feeling I was so close to being an adult I could touch it. 
I'm an adult now. I got my wish sooner than I thought and life has yet to slow down. So much has happened in these ten years I want to commemorate them. I am that teary person who looks at old photos and home videos and cries. I am that girl who get's emotional over nostalgic posts such as this one. Looking back so much has change...

Approx late 2010/early 2011 when I was just a wee thing
Feb 8th 2010
Jesus, I love my brothers but they pick on me a lot and sometimes I lose my temper.

July 14th 2010
We got a kitten for Meemaw and Papaw. He is really cute and we call him Mittens.

December 13th 2010
I don't feel worthy.

Feb. 25th 2012.
We might have found a cabin to rent in NC! If we and Alyssa's family [my online friend] decide to rent it....I can't wait!
I am so excited!

Look at us...little babies meeting for the first time, summer 2012
And then now...
Summer 2019

July 8th 2012
You can guess where I am! Alyssa will be coming this afternoon and I am a little nervous.

On meeting Alyssa according to random journal entry 2012...
When Alyssa first pulled into the driveway I was like ohmygosh now I am nervous! We stayed up until one in the morning laughing and talking and playing Twister. I will never ever forget that vacation -- it was so much fun!!!

At the river with my sister Korin and Papaw's dog Midnight, late summer 2012. RIP Midnight...

My bucket list (as created in 2012)
1. surf
2. Let my hair grow out (and then I proceeded to get it cut again haha)
3. learn to play an instrument
4. speak a language fluently
5. write a novel  THE BROKEN PRINCE AHH!
6.  Got o FL 2018
7. visit a castle
8. publish a book June 3rd 2019!!
9.  Learn how to drive a car
10.  take pictures at a wedding
11.     have 40 followers on Saved by Grace
12. get a job
13. become a trail guide on Well Wonderzone died so that's never happening...
14.  someone ask me to do a guest post on their blog
15.  meet all my online friend's -- I have met three so far
16.   pet a panda (Aw, I forgot my younger Kara's love of Panda's)
17.  have a sleepover
18. try nutella
19.  own a VW
20.  Leave a note in a Library book

February 2013 
Winter is showing itself again with snow, cold weather and pretty sunsets and sunrises; reminding us that it's still only February.

Feb. 17th 2013
So anyway I actually I've just recently discovered Lord of the Rings but am an instant fan! I've seen the Narnia movies (not BBC version) and was ( and still am) a huge fan and now I am of the Lord of the Rings.
We borrowed the movies starting last Thursday and watched them over the weekend!

December 25th 2014
I think this year I've learned I'm worth it. I'm not perfect, yer God will always love me.

July something 2015
The boys [my brothers] are getting baptized!

February 18th 2015
It's seems so long ago, like a dream of a dream. Something I know that happened but I can't really comprehend. It's like a million years ago in the lifetime of someone else. I'm just afraid that you wouldn't understand that I've changed since then.

August 26th 2010
I flunked my driver's test and am still ticked. I was so nervous. My palms were slick with sweat, and then I hit the cone [to park]. I was so mad because I failed because I hit a stupid stupid cone!!!

December 21st 2015
We've all felt at least one of these feelings from time to time. We've all fallen apart. 
I've spend more times then I can count sobbing on the bathroom floor, eyes red from crying.
We all have different stuff going on (some of it in a never ending cycle), but in a way we're all the same. We've all known joys, troubles, times we want to break down and just cry.
We each understand triumphs, the pain of failing, the bleakness of a broken universe.  There is someone out there who understands what you're going through.
Meeting my online writing partner and good friend, Naomi 2016

July 15th 2017
I feel as though I am on a ledge, at the end of the chapter, waiting for the page to turn.

And it's scary.
With the fam 2017
September 18th 2017
The other day I had a nuclear melt down. I was so upset I was crying and shaking, feeling trapped in my own body. It scared me so much.
So much.

Celebrating starting college...before quitting only months in. XD

December 2nd 2017
Looking back I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have known what to say. All I could think was: I want you to know you are loved.

December 29th 2017
You are already accepted [by God]

May 3rd 2018
Fear. Fear is my prison. Fear. It holds me back, keeps me from holding up my head in public. Fear is what keeps me feeling depressed and angry. And I hate it.

July 11th 2018
I feel so drained mentally. It's been a hard three weeks on my body and the affects are really beginning to show. I just want a nice quiet job.

August 12th 2018
I love August. I use to hate it. But there's something beautiful in the dying summer, the crickets and clear evenings. It makes me want to capture it all and store it away in a treasure house of memories.

August 27th 2018
Today was a good day. I'm working on the edits of The Broken Prince, soon hiring an editor.

March 30th 2019
The brokenness of the world is killing me.
Watching it.
Hearing it.
The brokenness weighs on me. The more I see it, the more helpless I feel. So I pray.

June 3rd 2019
is the day.
I think I might flip out.
Or freak out.
Or just die of happiness.
Or really go insane because there are far too many emotions in this girl's head.
June third is here.
Release day is real.

A decade.
Ten years.
I met my best friend, went to camp for two weeks alone (twice!) at the age of eleven, got my license, fell in love with the band Switchfoot, obsessed over actor Richard Armitage for some odd tween years, drank too much coffee, got better at photography, rededicated my life to Christ, had my first two surgeries, flew on a plane for the first time and fell in love with travel, bought my first car with my sister...and bought another a year later. I worked two summers at a job I both hated and loved, mentally caved afterwards, got back up, fought and am learning to let go. I published my book, started writing for a magazine...Our church dissolved and that is probably the hardest thing for me to write. Wow. It hits hard every time. It was no one's fault but it hurts a lot. It's a farewell my family never planned to make back in 2005 when we moved here.
So much has changed.
So much good and bad.
I am still that dork I was at eleven but oh well, I guess some things must remain the same.

This post was more for me than my readers here. The blessing outweighs the pain and the bad, the blessing bringing tears to my eyes. It's hard to look back but it's good. So good.
And y'all...y'all are amazing humans for reading through these rambles, these last years. I began this blog in 2012 as a house of nothing with only my words and it has continued to be so.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You all mean so much to me. It is because of you I write. You are epic. Shine on.

Here's to ten more years...and many more to come.

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11 of your thoughts

  1. OH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. Not all of it is easy to share, I'm sure, but it's so beautiful seeing how far you've come. <3

    1. Thank you so much, girl! It was interesting seeing the changes through the years and the pain and the joy. <3 <3

  2. This was SO cool to read!!! It's so neat reading your journal entries, and seeing how much you've grown!!

    It was a pleasure knowing you this decade, Kara! Here's to 2020!
    Hanne ||

    1. It is -- looking back and seeing how much I've grown was such a blessing this year's beginning. <3
      Same to you, friend!

  3. Seeing our changes through the years is crazy. How we were back then and growth to who we are now. I love how you shared all this in a journal entry setting. Awesome. : ))))

    1. It is crazy insane isn't it?? Thanks so much for commenting, Evan!

  4. This was so fun to read! The pictures over the years are darling. Life can change so much in 10 years, especially when those years include the change from child to adult. I am such a different person than who I was in 2010. And I've been so blessed to have been friends with you through all this time. You are such an amazing person, Kara!

    1. Aw girl!! I am so blessed to have YOU in my life. I was just looking through our letters the other day and remembering fun fangirling hobbity times. <3 <3


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